My Immortal 2: Son of a Sue!
by The Altrox
Summary: Warning! Crackfic approaching! Onyx Malfoy, the son of the famous Ebony Way, must go back in time to save the world from the Satanist Mary-Sue that is his mother. Obvious sequel to Tara Gilesbie's "My Immortal." Rated M for sexy stuff. Enjoy, you preps!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I know, I know, making fun of My Immortal is overdone to hell and back, but I wanted to test the waters with this idea. If people hate it, I'll abandon the project while I can. No biggie. I got other stuff to work on anyway. So yeah, if you think I'm wasting my time, feel free to say so, lol.**

**But yeah, this is the story of Ebony's Gary-Stu son, Onyx Girard Shadow Depp Malfoy, and his mission to save time and space from the Mary-Sue that is his mother. Hope this works!**

**Oh yeah, I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, I would be partying down in the Playboy Mansion with all the money I made by writing that series.**

* * *

><p><strong>My Immortal 2: Son of a Sue!<strong>

**Chapter 1**

Hai, my nam is Onyx Girard Shadow Depp Malfoy! Im the son of da famoos goffs Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way an Draco Malfoy. Mah hair is blond, but I died it blak bcuz I h8 having blond hare. I hav icy blue eyes liek my muther, and pointed teef bcauz im a vamprire like my parents r!1 Im a bisezual 6th year student at Hogwarts Magikal skull (geddit, cuz I'm goffik?) butt I hav barley any freinds bcuz al of those studnts r prepz! Thay dont understand meh! Stoopid preps!

I like to drezz in blac cloves becuz liek a goffik stuff. Rite noa, Im wearing blak jeans wif holes in da knees, blac metal cumbat boots, and a panic the dizco t-shit. I lik to wear white makup on my face, blak lipstick and eyeliner and mascera, and piercings all ober my ears and lip.

Bein a goff, I leik goffik an punk bandz like Painc at the dizco, My Chemicle Romens, and Good Charolett. When im not watchin goffic moviez and lizzenin to goff music, I lik to cut mahself.

Nyways, I wuz on mah way to the tran station so I culd get on a train to Hogzwart, but all off a suddn!...

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" sumbody shooted! Wif a flash of green lite, I fell over in darknes...

* * *

><p>"Good, you're awake!" a man's voice said.<p>

I opend mah eyez and got all scrayed. "OMFG wut da hell!" I scremmed. I wuz in a dark room. I wuz shitting in a char across frum a preppy luking man. "Iz dis hell?"

"No, I am-"

"Shuttup prep!" I said madly. "How am I alieve!"

"We hit you with a false avada kedavra curse," the man answered. "I want to talk to you."

"Wut the fuck do u waant wif me! And y r u talkin like a prep!"

"I am talking normally," he answered calmly. "Listen Onyx, I am Othello Drekner, the current Minister of Magic. I have an important mission for you and you alone."

"Mizzon! What da hell r you talking about!" I shooted angrly.

"Let me explain," the minister continued, "seventeen years ago, an evil power manifested itself in the form of a young woman who went by the name Ebony Way."

"Enoby! Dats my mudder!" I shooted depressively.

"Yes, she is," the minister replied gravely. "However, when that foreigner entered the time line, everything and everybody who was connected to that time and place was distorted. Her presence sent the world into chaos, and the effects still linger. If this madness continues, the future may implode upon itself due to all the time paradoxes. You must go back in time and find what gave your mother her power, and destroy it. It is a mission that may take months since you may have to have to befriend Ebony and her friends in order to find the source. If you can destroy it, the world will be fixed."

"But I dunt wanna go back in tim!" I yielded. "Y me!"

"Because you are Ebony's son, you are the only one who can go back to that point in time without being scarred by the dark magic, since it continues to live inside of you. Anybody else we would send back in time would be infected by the darkness," he explained.

"But wouldnt my muther die? Wouldn I die two?" I asked sadly.

"Yes, but you wouldn't," Othello assured him. "Since you are from a different time, you can't be killed from actions in the past, even if your birth mother were to die before your birth. It's a confusing process, so I'll spare you the details. The point is, if you do this, you'll be a hero to everybody, wizards and muggles alike. Will you do it?"  
>"Y shuld I? Wats in it 4 me?" I growed.<p>

"Onyx, tell me something: are you happy with yourself?" Othello asked.

I fought abut that. I wuz always deprezzed and I wanted to kill mahself. Peeple alwas told me that I talked fonny and that I wuz a stoopid poser goff.

"Think of it, you'll no longer talk like that. You won't be poisoned with the black magic. If you do this, you'll not only save the world, but you'll also save yourself."

I fought abot it summore. Iff I did this for the Misery of Magik, my muther wuld die. But maebe that wold be ok. My mum iz alwayz mean to me, makin me clean her coffin and all da blud puddles of blood that she an dad leave in da house. I wanted revenge!1

"Ok, Ill do it!1" I ejaculated.

"Good!" Othello said happily. "Also, take this phone. You can use it to call me in the future so I can give you advice."

"Kule! Fangs (geddit, cause im a vampire?)" I said. I took da fone an d put it in mah pocket. "But how do I go back in tim?"

"Follow me," he ordered.

I foloed the misister to anodder room. I gassped at what I saw!1 An older car was siting in the grage.

"This is a delorean. You can use it to travel through time. I used to belong to a muggle named Marty McFly who could travel time before he was distorted by the darkness in Ebony's time," the minister said. "All of your things are packed in it, and it is set to enter the destination year at Hogwarts. You will leave now. We have no time to waste."

"Ok!" I yielded goffikally b4 entring the car.

"Be warned!" the minister shouted. "Reality in the past is different from what you know! Be careful!"

"Sur, Ill be fin!" I said angstily. Wif dat, I drov the car into the past!

* * *

><p><strong>Should I keep going? You decide. If you're going to flame me, don't do it anonymously. I'm a big boy. I won't mark it, haha.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

** Chapter 2**

Wif a flash of lite, the car came into da gassy gnoll near the wimpimg willow. I gut out but relized that I wus at Hoggwarts, but it wuz diffrent. Then I new... I wuz bak in Tim!

"OMFG!" I shooted. "Dis is hogswarts of the past!" I gut out of da car and got mah suitcasses out off Morty McFli's car. They wer black an had red 666s all over them. But sudenly...

"What da fjuck are u doing out her!" yielded a voice. It came from a preppy janitor who was wering brown cloves and a Justin Beaver t-shit. It was... Mister Norris!

"Fuk u prep!" I sed suicidally. But da old man garbbed my rist and drug me and my fings 2 da skull.

"U stoopid goffs," he grubled to himself as he made me come. "U think yu can do whaddever u fucking want. But I will mak the principle punish u 4 brekking the rulez."

"Fuking squid," I snapped bjack sexily. Then, I kiked him in his boy's thingie and ran. When I finaly gut to the skull, I came inside an went to da grate hall and went to da Slytherin table. All the studnts wre shitting at the tabels as the sorting hat sang itz annuall song. Dis year,it the hat wuz singing Amurican Idiots by Gren Day. Its voice sounded lik a cross btween Gerard Way and Marlyn Munson. All of da goffik peeple in Slytherin were singing alung wif the hat, and all of those preps in Grifindork, Ravenclaus, and Hufflypuff wer pretending to be kule. Dumb preps.

After the hat stupped singin, the Principle stood up on da stage. He wuz a old man wif a long whit beard and a long robe. It wuz... Dumbledore!

"Studants!" he roared wisely, "Itz time 4 da firt years 2 be sorted! In a line firt years!" All of the furst yearz got in a line and da hat shorted them. Evry time it put them in Slitherin, us goffs cheered. We put r middle finger up thos stupid prepz dat gut put in those odder houzes. After they wer sorted, Dumblydore loked over at me and scowed.

"Who da hell r u!" he shooted.

"I'm Onyx Gerard!" I annunced goffikly (i didnt say that my last nam, bcuz I didnt want 2 confuse Drako Malfoy that sat acruss fom me.) "Im an exchange stuednt frum... Pigfartz!"

"Den get the fuk up her and get soorted into a hous!" his voice boomd.

"But im in Slytherin!" I proffesed.

"Nut yet u stoopid goff! Acio goff!" he yieleded. I flu acros the room and landed in the chair. Suddnly, the shortting hat came onto my head.

"WTF!" I scremmed, but nobudy could heer me.

"Oh great, anodder stupid goff!" da hat cockled, "I no wear to put u!"

"U better!" I replid.

"Hufflepuf!" the hat shooted.

"Wut!" I yelld angrally.

"lol, jk," the hat laghed. "Slithering!"

"U fuking poser!" I shotted goffikly. I tuk out my wand and casted a spell. "Crucioo!" The hat scremmed in pain. I laffed, bcuz im a saddist.

"Back 2 ur seat!" Dumbledork roared. I returnd to mah table to hear da cheerz of the odder goffs. We then gut to eat dinner. My food wuz a rare steak wif human blood on it.

"OMFG, tat wuz so fukking awsome!" sumbody screamd. I loked around 2 see a goffik slithering gurl. She wuz a seven year studant and she had lung raven black hair wif purple tips and white makup wif black lipstick and ishadow. She wuz wearing a black corset that showed off her big boobz and a blac lether miniskirt wif combat bootz and red fished netz.. It wuz... my muther!

"Mu- I mean, Enoby?" I gosped.

"How da fuck do u kno my name?" she asked depressedly.

"Um... I guezed, becuz its the same coler of ur hair."

"Oh, ok," she squeled goffikly. "U were so kule shooting dat hat wif ur wand! I can tel u arnt a prep, so I like u already Onix."

"Thanku," I replid angstily. Ebony wuz so hawt. She had such a sexi body wif huge boobs and long blak hair. I wuld hav gotten a boner, but I didnt, bcuz shes my mother, u sicko! I wuld hav to kill her enyway though, and dat made me sad. It made me wanted 2 slit my rists.

Soon, i had to go wif the other slitherins 2 the dungeins were r dorms were. My room had a black coffin init with red velvet inside an posterz all over da wall of Girard Way, Mariling Manson, and Amy Lee (if u don't kno who they r, then fok u!) I wuz happy 2 be wif all theese kule goffs, unlike the Slithering of da futur, so this was grate. Plugging my ipod in the wal, I listend to an MCR song and falled to sleep so I culd sleep. I couldnt wiat 4 2morrow, even thogh I would hav to kill Enoby and find her powr sorce. But 4 noa, I slept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I woke up in da mourning (geddit, cuz im depressed?) in my coffin and I went to tak a shower b4 putting on my cloves. I wor a black GC t-shirt wif black baggy jeanz wif hols in the knees. I slippd on mah blak congress shoos and then I put on mah makup. I put on white foundashun and blak eyeliner and mascara. I left mah lipz whit today insted of usin lipstock.

I still felt sad abot havving to kill my muther, so I cut my rists in depresion be4 drinking the blood. Aftre that, I loked at my schedul. I had potions class fisrts, and I wuz excitd since I wuz good at potents. I waked suicidally out of my room and heded 2 the potins class room. Da hallways wer full of preps, sins the only goffs were in Slithering. I wuz so distracted by them all that I ran into a gurl da end of da steps.

"Watch it u whore!" I shooted as we bof dropped our bookz. However, I curzed my words wen I saw the gurl I hit. She wuz a peteet gurl wif a goffik pink lolita dress that showed off her large bobs and lung blond hair that she kept in pigstails wif skull burettes. She wuz also wereing black fishnetz and black cumbat boots. Lik me, she wuz wering white makup and blck mascera, lipstock and ilinear. I also saw slitz on her rists, just lik mine.

"Hey, WTF!1?" the girl screammed sadly.

"O, im sorry," I replid sadly. "I thut u were a stoopid prep. Who r u?"

"My nam is Luna Lovegood. Im a six year liek u."

"Oh, thatz kule," I sed. "Im-"

"Ur Onix Girard," she cut off. "Wut u did 2 the shorting hut wus hilarrius."

"I kno," I cokled. "R U in Slithering?"

"No, Im in Ravynclaws," she sed sadly.

"Oh..." I respunded. I wuz sad bcaus Ravenclaw wus full of nerdy prepz, but Lunar didnt look lik a prep. "Well, I haff 2 go 2 potents class."

"Im goin' there 2!" she sed angstilly. "Ill show u there!" She garbbed mah hand and drugged me to the potians class.

Ones we got there, I we saw that thar were only 2 seats left, so I sat in da 1 in da back. But I relized that I wuz shitting next to... ENOBY!

"Konichiwa Oynx!" she exclaimed goffikly.

"Hai Ebony," I replied. She was wering a tight MCR shirt wif a black lever miniskirt and Marilyn Manson cubat boots. "Y R U in dis class? Only 6 years are hear."  
>"I got held bak by profesor Snap," she groaned sexily. "He h8s me, cause he's a prep!"<p>

"Wat a bathturd," I agred. Just then, a preppy luking man wif black hare and a crookd nose walked in da room.

"Get out yor poshuns books!" he roared. "Luk up the ingredants to make sum amnesia potion!"

"Oh my satan," Ebony moaned. "I furget my potion book, so can I use urs?"

"Sure," I said darkly.

"Fangs!" she relpid. As we luked in the book, I stard Luna in da front row. She gut up and went to grab sum roots for da potion. I lokked on as she struted wif the roots. I culdnt see her ass, sins her dress wuz in the way, but I bet it wuz nice. She waz so sexeh, I amost had an organism.

"Wut r u staring at?" Enoby demanded.

"Oh, dat gurl I met in the hall. Her name is Looney Luvgood."

"Oh her!" Enoby sneered angstily, "dont talk wif her, shez such a poser!"

"NO wai, she cutz her writs like I do," I spat out codly. "She may bea ravenclaus, but I fink shez a goff, even if she waers pink wif blond hair."

"No, u cud do so much bettah!" she snareld.

"Shuddup and work, u idiotic imbossils!" Snope shooted.

"Stupd prep," we both sied. After working moer, Evony began to tak summore. "So Onyx, u like GC, rite?"

"OMFG, I so do!" I gosped.

"OMG, Do u want to lik, go wif me and mah frend Willow 2 see dem in Hog'smeand?"she asked evily.

I fought abiot this. Of corse, it was wired going wif my muther and her friend to see a band preform, but I rembembered tht I had to befrend Enoby like Offelo sed if I had to fix da past. So I culd only say, "sure fing!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

It wuz the knight of da GC concert an I wuz so exited! I gut redy by putting on a GC concert t-shit and sum blac letter jeans and blak shoes wif red 666s on them. I then pit pn my white makup and black eyelinear and mascera. I aslo gut redy by lisetin 2 GC songs on mah ipod and drinkin sum blood dat I kept in a black vile.

When it wuz nite out, I went 2 da conmen room where Ebony wuz waiting. She wuz also wearing whit makeup, black maskera, iliner, and lipstock. She wuz wearing a GC tshirt wif a blak minskirt that had chains on it. She was also wering lung black leater bootz that went tp her knees.

"Hey Enoby, u lok hot," I exclamed sadly.

"OMG, thenks, so do u Onyx! U luk just like Girard Way!"

Then Willow came. She had lung raven blak hare that went down 2 her waste, wif pink tips at da end. She wuz wering black eyeliner, blak lupstick and mescara. She worr goffik highheels, a goffik miniskit, and a shirt that sed "GC Rulz" on the front.

"Hey Onix, u look kawaii!" she gosped.

"U 2 Wilow," I replid. We all left da skull and gut into Morti McFlis old deloriun witch could travel in tim, and we drove 2 the cuncert. On the wai ther, we smoked drugs an listened 2 MCR. Willow toked about how Navel (who we call Dracola) wuz so hawt, but how it wuz sad he couldn't cum wif us 2night. Wen we got 2 da concert, we all climed out of da delurion, and went 2 da place were Good Charliot wuz preforming. They wer all so hawt, I felt maself get hard. Joel Madden wuz da sexiest guy evah. As they plaid "The Cronicals ov Lif and Deaf," we moshed amd smoked heroine. Suddenly, Enoby garbed mah hand.

"O my satan, u luk so fjucking hawt," she oogled.

"Uh, fangz?" I respunded. I hed no idea wut 2 say, sins shes my mum an all. But I gess this wuz okay becuz I had 2 befrend her enyway. "U look just like Ame Lee."

"Oh my goff, fangs!" she squeled.

Affter da concert, we all gut r t-shits singed by da band. I wanted 2 tell Joe dat I luved him, but I wuz to shy 2 say so. We all guyt back into da delurian and flu back to Hogzwart. Fter we retuned, we snuck pass Mr. Norris and Filth, who wer gardening the halls. When we gut back to da dorms, Williow went to bed, and me an Evony staid up summore and watched Grizzily Park. We laffed as dose stoopid prepz in da movie got eaten by beers, and Ebony tryed to cuddel wif me, but I ingored her (shez my muther affter all!) Instead, I fought about Looney Luvgood. She wus so hawt, even thow she was a blonde.

After da movie wuz over, we wolked bak to my room. As we entred, Ebony shreked.

"U have a coffin! R u a vampire to?" She gaspd.

"Yeah!" I roared prodley.

"Wow, we half so much in conmen!" she sied goffikly. "I fink I luv u Oinks Gerald!"

"Say wut?" butt b4 I could say anrmor, she tryd 2 kiss me. I pushed her away. "Wut the hell r u doing!" I shooted.

"I luv u onix!" she said in a deppreded voice. "I want u too take mah virility! Letz do it!"

"WTF, no fuking wai," I scremmed agstily. "Ur my moth- I men, I dunt lik u like that!"

"Wat the fucking hell?" she yeilded , "u dont think im pritty!"

"No, ur so fuking hawt, but ur suppozed to lov Draco!"

"I dont care abut Drago!" she shooted sexily. "I want u to have secx wif me!"

"No, I cant!" I replied saddly. Then, Ebnony got all huffy.

"I new it!" she bluted. "Ur a motherfuking prep! I hope u die and go to heven, u peace of shit!" She stormd out of da room an I lucked the door. All off my hard wurk had falled. Enoby wuz in lov wif me, but I coudnt love her bak becuz she iz my motter. I bega to crie tearz of blood, and I went to sleep in my coffen. How wuld I b frends wif her if she fought that I wuz a perp!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I wok up the nex mornin an I remembred wut happened the knight b4. I cried summore, and drank sum human blood. After that, I put on a blak leater vest, blak congress shos, black jeens wif rips, and some white foundation and black ilenear on mah face. I also repanted my nales blak. Just bfore I left my room, da cellfone dat Ofello gave me began 2 ring. I answerd it.

"Helo?"

"Hello Onyx," the man on the other end of the line said politely. "This is Othello. Have you had any success yet finding the source of Ebony's power?"

"No, this sux!" I shooted. "Enoby tryed to kiss me! Noa she finks Im a prep bcuz I sed no!"

"Oh... well, that's awkward..." Othello sighed.

"U fink!" I yielded depressedly. "Wut m I gonna do?"

"You must continue to try," Othello begged. "The fate of the world depends on it. If you fail-"

"Shuddup Offelo, I geddit!" I shooted. "Ill find it!"

"Good, good. I wish you luck."

I hanged my phone an went 2 da grate hall 4 brakefast, and I sat down at da goffik tabel, but they al luked at me crudely.

"Wut da fuk r u doing her, u poser!" Willow sed meanly. She wuz wearin blak hiheels, black letter jens, a lever corset wif red 666s on it, and whit foundation wif black lipstuk, mascera, and eyeshaodw.

"Im eating wif you," I answwerd.

"No u rnt!" sed a voice. I loked over 2 see who sed it. It wuz a hawt bi guy wif bleech blond hare, black ilenar, wite fondation, a simple plan tshit, blak baggy pantz wif hols, and platfoam metal boots. It was... my father DRAGO MAFLOY! He liked so hawt, I wanted to toch mahself, but I didnt bcuz hes mah dad, u perv!

"But Drako..."  
>"Evony says ur a prep, and I belive her!1" he shooted sexily. "U rnt welcom her u fag!"<p>

"But I din't kiss Enoby becuz u like her!" I pleded sadly.

"I dunt care u basterd!" he screammed. "She hatez u, so I do 2!"

"Yeah!" Wilows agreed. All da odder goffs put up there middle fingers me, so I got upset. Saddly, I waked over to anodder tabel and sat by myself. I wuz abot to slit mah rists when sombody sat nex 2 me. It wuz... Luna Lavagood!

"Hai Onix!" she churped suicidally. She wuz waring a goffik blak fairy dress wiff wings, and black fishnetz. Her hair wuz still in pigtailz, and she still wore black makeup wif wite foundation, and blak nails. 4 sum reson, she was bearfoot.

"Hey Looney," I moned upsettedly as I began to slit my writs. "Y rnt u siting wit the odder Ravenclauses?"

"Their a bunch ov preppy nerds," she skoffed evily. "Id rater shit wif u."

"Well my frends fink Im a prep 2," I muttoned goffikly.

"Aw, fuk them then!" she roared depressedly. "Ur the goffest and kewlest guy I kno."

"U men it?" I qestioned.

"I swear to Satin!" she sed.

"Fangz Luna," I sed happily.

"Hey Onyx," she began as she tuched mah hand, "letz skip class and go to Hogzmed! We can go shoping at hawt topic!"

"Ok," I agreed angstily, and we went out da front door to da town.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I think I've been misspelling too many things, even for Tara standards. Oh well.**

**Chapter 6**

We gut into the Dolurian and drove 2 Hoggymeade so we could by sum cloves. But ones we were thar, the sterets were covered wif prepz. Their were posters of Milee Sirus all over da building and walls. She would b having a conshit (geddit, cuz shes shit?) at Hogzmeade soon.

"Ugh, I fucjking hate that bich!" Luna said goffikally.

"Yeh, me 2!" I ejaculated. "We should totoly crash dat conshit and CRUCIO HER!"

"Oh mi Satan!" Loona gosped, "we totally shold!"

"Kule!" I replied angstily.

We went 2 da hot toopic store so we culd get sum goffik cloving. We were shoked wut we saw... PREPZ! And there wuz a Lady Gaga muzic playing on da radio.

"Wut da fuking hell!" we yielded.

"Sory bot that," a goffik looking guy behind the cunter said. "We haf 2 play this preppy music or else we will go out of buzness. There are no moar goffik people."  
>"OMG, I'm sorry," Luna cried. "That sux."<br>"Yea, but I kno u 2 r goffs," he replied hapily. "BTW, my name is Tom Roddle."  
>"Oh, my nam is Onix Gerard and dis is Lunar Lovegod. We r six year studentz Hogywarts," I explaned suicidally.<p>

"Ok kule. Sinz u 2 r goffs, Ill give u discunts."

"Fangz!" we sed.

We pased r way threw the goffs, and we piked out sum cloves. I mostly got leaver cloves and goffik tsirts while Luna piked out goffik lolita dresses.

"Do u fink Ill luk good in this?" she asked emoly as she held up a black drezz.

"Yeah, itll show off ur boobs and everything."

"Ok, fangs!" she sed. After we poicked out r cloves, we went 2 the dreszing rooms. They were all full of prepz, so we decidd to share a room.

"R u sure we shuld do this?" I asked sadly.

"Wut, u've never seen a naked girl b4?" Looney asked seductively.

"Um... Im a vegan," I admitted embaressedly.

"So am I. Just chill out u poser," she tezed. We went into da room and Luna began to take of her clotes. I remuved my shirt, but b4 I culd try another shirt, Lunar tapped my shouder.

"Do u liek wut u see?" she asked sexily. I looked her sexeh body. She wuz waring blak lingerie wif blood red lace that fomed pentagrams, and she had huge bobs and ass.

"Wow... ur so fucking gorgus," I whpsered hornily. She took hand and pot it on her breats. They wer so soft. We bgan to feel echother up as we kissed passively. I leand her bak against da wall as we frenched and tok off the rest of r closes. Then, I put my thingie into her you-know-what, and we did it 4 da first tim.

"OH ONYX!1" Luna scremmed as she had an orgazm. Affter we bof climaxed, we startd to cudle in the changig booth, until...

"AHA, COT IN DA ACT U MISERABALMAROONS!"

It was... SNAP!

"AH YOU FUKING PERV!" I shooted ragefully.

"WUT DA HELL IS DAT!" Lunar asked wen she saw the videocamra in Snape's hand.

"Proof!" he yielded viktoriusly. "Proof dat u goffs were skipping my class and fornic8ing in poblic!"

"No, u just want to mastribate, u pedofile!" I roared.

"Shuddup u insidius ingrate!" Snake snapped crudely. "One milion points from Slithering and Ravenclaus!"

"U cant do that!" Looney cried angryly.

"Cant I?" he demanded. He grabed us by r writs and drugged us out of da booth and out da front door, even though we were naked. He brot us back 2 the skull and into the grate hall where Dumbledore and the studnets were.

"Wut is the mening of this!1?" Dumblydore roared wisely.

"They wer cutting class and habing sex in sum goffik store!" Snap grumbeld meanly.

"Y wold u do such an atrocious act, u goffik fiends!" Dumbledork yielded.

"Just shuddup!" I sed as I began to cry tearz of blood. "NONE OF U FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME! JUST LEAV ME ALONE!" I ran away to the comnen room and went away 2 my coffin wher I cried myself 2 sleep.

**AN: Admit it. That sex scene made you hard.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Stup flamming u prepz! Oh wait, there are no flames... well... stup finking abot flamming!**

**Chapter 7**

I wok up da next morning in my coffin and I stated to cry agan. After that, I drank sum human blood, and put on a Greenday shit, and sum black jeanz and som blak cumbat boots. I wuz 2 sad to put on any makup, so I stagreed goffikly outside and nex 2 my nex class.

I thot about Looney Lovegid and how we did it in hawt toipc. I wantd 2 sleep wif her again, but I culdnt bcuz noa everybudy thot I wuz a prep. I went to my deviation class and sat in the back row bcuz it wuz next to a sexeh goffik boy. He had spiiky black hare wif red tips. He no longer had a scare on his 4hed, but a red pentagram wif white makuip, blak eyelinear, lipstuk and maskeram, and a blasc lether jackson. He loked just like Joe Madden!

"Hello Hairy Putter!" I greeted sexily.

"My nam is Vampire!" he gurmbled rudly. "Go away Oynx! I h8 posers lik u!"

"Im nut a fuking poser!" I shooted.

"Yes u fuking r!" he roored. "Enoby sais so, so itz true!"

"Shuddup u assole!" I sed sadly. I was sad bcuz he wuz so hot, but he was being men.

"Konichiwa bitches!" Profresor Sinistra greted. "2day, were gunna be reding tleaves! Ill pair u up wif ur partners!" Prefesror Sinister was cool, but Ebony tuld her I wuz a prep, so she peared me wif Britany! I hated Brittany bcuz she wuz a fjuking griffindoor prep!

"OMG, hai Onix!" she greeted preppily. "It wuz so cool that u turned down Enoby! She's a fucking slut! But u could do so much better than tdat goffik Looney girl."  
>"Just shutup and read da fuking leavs," I moned angrily. She looked at the leavs and sihed.<p>

"I cant read these!" she crid.

"Just giv them to me u dum bich!" I tuk the tcup and saw that they wree forming a preppy manz face.

"Profesor, who iz this!" I aksed angstily.

"Shutup u stoopid prep!" she spat. She pointed her wound at da cup and sent it flying to da rookf. "Go get it noa!"

"Fine!" I roard. I gut upand left the room in a strom. I went up 2 da roof where the cup wuz and piked it up. Suddenlty, a preppy looking man with no nose lik the one in the cup flu down on his broomstuck. He had no nose, wite skin, green eyes, and a black rob, but he obviusly wasnt a goff. It was... VOLDEMORT!

"Crucioo!" he yielded.

"Pigwigeon!" I shoooted back. Our spells colided and we bof fell over. But them Volexmont began to tok.

"I hath found thee, Onix Malfoy!" he chortled meanly.

"How do u kno my name!" I asked depressedly.

"Dont thou no?" he asked as if I wer a reetard. "I hath telekenises. But I no thou art from the future. Thou art the son of thine mother Enoby!"

I gosped angstily. "Wut do u want wif me?" I whaled.

"I knoweth that thou hath come back in tim to kill thine muther!" he laughed cruley. "I hath seen da futur! Thine muther shall kill thee, and 2 live 4ever, I must kill her and Vampira Potter both and find da sorce of thine muthers power! Join thee, and togethre, we shalt rool da world!"

"No, I wont!" I sed as tearz of roled down my pail whit face.

"Thou must!" Voldemort cockled sarcastically, "sinz u see-"  
>"Wut the hell is this!" It wuz Enoby, Draco, and Vrompire. They had all came up to the roof.<p>

"Thou all shalt die!" Vlodemort shrieked. Then he pulled out his gun an started shouting at them.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo!" I screemed as I jumped in front ov da bullets. Then, everythnig went black.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I wok up in da norses office surrunded by a bunch of blak baloons wif red pentagons on them. Luna Lovegud was shitting in a char next 2 mah bed. She wuz wearing a black lether dress wif lots of sexah straps. Her hare was in 4 pigtales instead of 2.

"Wut happened? Wheres Voldymort?" I osked drearily. I wuz only waring a hospilte gown, but I also had white makup and blak ihadow and maksera. Luna had put it on mah face wen I wuz alseep.

"U were shot by Vladimort!" she told me sadly. "But u stupped the bullot b4 it hit Enoby, Drako, and Vampier. Ur a fuking hero! Voldidork ran away aftewards."

"Awsum!" I exclamed goffikly. I loked at Looneys eyes. She looked lik a goffik fairey sominatrix. Suddenly me and Looney bgan 2 kiss on the bed. She took off mah gown and I tuk off her dress and I put my glock in2 her wetness and we did it rite there.

"Oh! Oh! OHHH! OYNX!" she shooted as she had an organism. Suddenly, Pofresor McGoogle came.

"Wut r u doing, u vial delinquents!" she shooted madly. "Im gonna get da principle and-" suddenly, the prepy techer was warped up in chains from a spell. Suddenly, a goffik teacher in a lowcut blak dress came. It wuz... Profresor Sinistra!

"Dont worri!" she shed. "McGonoagla, wont say anything now!"

"Fangz!" I exclamed as I orgasmd in Lunar. "But I fought u h8ed us!"

"Wel, u saved Enoby, so u must b a goff!" she sed. Suddenly, Vamprire, Draco, and Enoby came. Vampire was wearing wut he was wering erlier.

"OH MI FUKING SATAN!" Ebony bluted sexily, "U SAVED MAH FUJKING LIFE!" she was wering a blak corset, blak coumbat boots wif red fishets and blak skort, and wite makeup wif black mascera, ileniar, and libstick.

"Yea, u and Loony must be a goffs," Drako agred. He wus wearing a Simpel Plan tshit, black leter jeans, congress shoes, and makup like enoby;s.

"We got u a gift!" Vampire sad, as he gave me a box warped in blak gift rap with red pentagrams. It had a dvd of the hunan centipede inside.

"Aw, fangz!" I replied. We all gut up from the bed and went 2 the comman room where Dracolo, Diabolo Wisley, Darkness, Willo, and B'loody Mary Smith were w8ing. We watched the flim and laffed at all da sadist stuff.

"Onix, y dont u like me?" Ebony aksed.

"I liek u, just not like dat," I explaned depressedly. "But Draco likes u. U shiud totally go out wif him!"

"Ok, I will!" she sed sexially. She and Dragon began to makeout while me and Luna frenched along wif B'Lody Mary and Diablo. Vampoire looked at us jelusly.

After the film ended, I went 2 my room and saw my fone had a missd call from Offello. I called him bak.

"Hello, Onyx?" Minister Othello asked. "Did you find the source of Ebony's power yet?"

"Go 2 hell, u fuking prep!" I roored. "I like it here! They no lunger think ima prep, and im In luve wif lana livegood."

"What!" Othello shouted over the phone. "You can't be starting romantic relationships in the past! You'll mess up the time-line even more!"

"I dunt care if the world implods!" I yielded."I like it here beter than da future. I BELONG HERE! Bsides, if I kill ebony, Vlodemort will not die!"

"That's a risk we're willing to take!" Othello stated."But you are not fit for this task. I demand that you return to the future immediately!"

"NO! Fuk u homo!" I scremed as I hung up the phon. Suddenly, ther was a knok on thedoor. Lunar came in.

"Hey fucker," she sed seductivly. "Can I stay da knight?

"Sure Luna," I sed suicidally. We went into my coffin and screwed summore until we fell asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

I wok up in mah coffen the nex day wif Lunar in my pale wite arms. We screwed agan b4 getting up and putting on da cloves we wore yesterday. We applid r whit makucp and blak ilinar, mkseara, lipstock, and ishagow b4 meetin wif r frends in da commen room.

Ebony, Draco, B'loody Mary, Willow, Dorkness, Vampire, Diabolo, Dracula, and Fred and Goerge. They wer Diobolo and Darknesses older twin brothers. Lik there siblings, they gut depressed and conveted 2 satinism. They r in slithering now. We now call them Crow and Zombie. Dey bof had died blood red hare, MCR tshirts, baggy blak jeans, and congress shoes. Both of them had whit makup, abd black ilinar and eyeshdow.

"So wut r we going 2 do 2day?" Vampire asked sadly.

"I hav an an idea," Luna sed sexily as she pulled sumthing out of her poket.

"Wut r those?" Crow and Zomie aksed goffikly.

"Mily Cirus tikets!" she annunced.

"O my goff (geddit, cause were goffik?)" Enoby screached. "I fuking hate Milly Cyrus!"

"Yeah, wut da duck!" Willow added.

"I new u were a prep!" Boody Mary sed.

"No no!" Luney sed scarredly, "I gout them so we can mak fun of dat bitch! It was Onixs idea!"

"Oh, dats a gud idea," Navel sed emoly.

"Yea, Onyx always has good ideaz," Egony sed sexily as she hugged me. Luna gav her a mean look.

"Well, letz go!" I yielded angstily. We all went to my delorian and drove 2 da concert (i kno, dolorians only hav 2 seats, jus pretend dey dont!1) In da way, we all smoked pot and weed.

Da concert wuz full of preps. We made r way 2 the front and booed dat stoopid bitch while we cast crucio on the preos near us. Me and Enoby suked the blood of them 2.

Suddenly... we herd a loud preppy voice. "Thou all shalt pay 4 ruing this conshit!" a preppy voice rored. Suddenly, a whit skinned man wif no nose flu in on his bromstick, skaring Hanah Montana away. He had no nose and he was waring a pink Miley Cius robe. It was... VOLDEMORT! Suddenly, Mila Ciruses backup dancers turned into death dealers.

"Voldemart!" Harry shooted madly.

"Onix! I shalt give thou another chance!" Voldemint sed preppily. "Join thee and we shalt defeat Tara!"

"No!" I scremmed.

"Vary well! I shalt kill thee all!" Suddenly he pulled out a gun and began to shoot at us.

"Accio gun!" Ebony shoted as she pointed her womb at Volexmort and took his gun.

"I shalt not lose!" Voldemort sed. "Abada Kadera!"

"Crucio!" I yellowed. Voldenort screemed and disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"U saved us Oinks!" Luna sed as she hugged me.

"Yea!" Ebony sed. She movd to kiss me, but sombody else kissed me on the lips. It wuz... Draco!1

"Draco! WTFH!" Enoby yielded crully.

"Oniyx, I love u!" Draco blutered. "I wanna hav sex wif u rite now!"

"WTF, no! Hes my boyfiend!" Looney spat ragefully.

"Yeah ur my fath- I men... ur..."

"Ur a prep!" Drako shooted at me. "Thatz y u sed no 2 me and Enoby!"

"Just leav me the fuk alone!" I cried wif tearz of blood as I ran away. I ran bak 2 the skull and loked my door. I piked up my cell phon and called Othellop.

"Hello?" Othello asked civilly.

"Offelo, Im so fguking sorry! Ill do watever u want! Ill kill enoby and find her power sorce! Pleae!" I sed, crying emoly.

"Okay, okay, calm down!" he said assuredly. "You're obviously upset about something. What happened?"  
>"Drago kissd me!" I subbed.<p>

"Oh... well... just don't kiss him then," Othello replied.

"But hez my fother! Im ruining evrything! I like mah frends."

"Look, just try to find out what powers her, and I'll give you advice with your life or something," Othello grumbled. He was getting tired of these shenanigans.

"okay, fangz!" I sed and I hung up the fone. I had a plan!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

I wok up the next day in my koffin. It wuz snowing and raning outside. I put on a GC tshirt wif baggy black pants, combut boots, and whit makup on mah face wif black eyelenar, blak lipstick, and ishadow. I then went 2 da comman room were Ebony wuz waching The Corps Bride. I joind her.

"Hey Ebony," I said sadly.

"Hey Onux," she replid goffikly. "R u feeling better now?"

"Yea, a bit. Hows Drako?" I asked concernedly.

"No clu. I broke up wif da basterd," Enoby snarled.

"WTF, no!" I yielded. "U 2 r supposed 2 b 2gether!"

"Yea, well fuk him," Ebony growld. "I can hav enybody else I want."

"Ok," I muttoned. "Can I ask u a question?"

"Sure!" she sed emoly.

"Ok. Enoby, ur so hawt and smart and sexah and goffik and perfect."

"Fangz!" She replid.

"But how do u do it?" I asked depressedly. "How do u get that much power?"

"Do u relly want 2 kno?"she asked evely.

"Yes!" I roared.

She smiled really big like and whipsered, "den make luv 2 me."

"Wut! No!" I yielded.

"Y not!" she snapped meanly. "U sed I wuz pearfect!"

"Yes, but I cant sleep wif u!" I shooted, though I culdnt tell her y.

"Why? Bcuz ur wif Looney? 4Get about her!"

"No!" I repeted.

"Well, until u have sex wif me, I wont tell u!" Enoby answered huffily and she left.

My plan failed. I needed a new 1 and fast!1 I walked out in2 the skool and saw Vampire beating up Sedrick Dickery. I laffed as that stoopid hufflypuff loser stated bleeding, cuz Im a sadist.

"Hai Vampire!" I sed kewly.

"Hey Onyx, wuts up?" he aksed in a satanlike voice. He wuz wearing a blak lether clock wif leather pans, blak shoes, and wite makeup wif black on it.

"Im ok. Still deprezzed about last nite," I mombled sadly.

"Yeah, Draco wuz a jerk to Enoby. I cunt beleeve I dated him b4. If it were me, I wuld never do that to ebony," he sed wif a goffik dreamy look in his eye. I got a new plan.

"Hey Vampire, do u luv Enoby?" I asked.

"Yes, and if I dunt get her, Ill slit mah wrists," he aded suicidally.

"Wut if I help u sleep wif her?" I asked in a demonic voice.

"Id love u 4 that!" he sed gleefuly. "But how wuld we do that?"

"We jus need 2 get some polyjews potion!" I exclamed. "Then u can be me, an shell sleep wif u!"

"Great! I fink snap has sum in his classroom!" But then he founed. "But wut would u want from me?"

"I just want u 2 ask Ebony where she getz her power from!" I demanded sexily.

"ok, letz go 2 snaps room and steel some potions!" he sed. We ran 2 the dungon where Snap's room wuz. We saw him teeching a bunch of first years. "How will we get in 2 da potents?" I asked depresedly.

"Well use my divisibility coke.!" he sed triumpantky. We bof got under da cloke and snucked into his class. We reched the potent closet and grabbed the polyjues potion wen suddenly the door shut behind us! We were tarped in da closet!

"Grate," I grubled, "we cant leave until his class is ober." Suddenly, Vampira began to cry. "Wuts wrong?" I asked goffikally.

"Were gonna get cot!" he wailed sexily. "Snope is so mean!"

"Relax, well be fine," I whispered, and he clamed down. Suddnly, I relised how hawt he looked wen he wuz crying, just like Jol Madden. B4 knew it, I kissed him.

"WTF," he wispered in shock, "u hav a girlfrend!"

"Shhh!" I replid wif a sexy smile. We started frenching passively. I tok off his pants and loked at his throbbing u kno wut. I grabed it and bgan 2 jork him off.

"OHHH ONIX!" he screamed as he has an orgsam. Suddenly, the closet door opened. It wuz... Snape!

"Wut r u miserable simpletons doing in mah closet!" he rored madly.

"OMG, u perv!" I shooted. I pulled out my wang and shot a spell him. Wile he wuz down we ran out wif da polyjew potion. My plan wuz working.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Me and Hairy went 2 da commin room and went in2 my room. I took a hare and dropped it into it, and it flased.

"Ok Vampire, dirnk dis potion, and youll turn into me, okay?"

"Ok, her I go," he sed as he drank da poshun. Suddenly, he loked just like me.

"Wow, u look like me!" I gosped. But suddenly, I gut so hard. I luked so hawt. I grabed vampire, and we began 2 makeout again. We tok off each odders cloves and r cold hard bodies met. Suddenly, he put my glok in his mouff and began 2 suk.

"OH VAMPIRE! OH DUNT STOP!" I scremed as I shot in his moth. But sudenly, I realizsd that we only had 30 minites left b4 da polyjew potion stopped werking. We put r cloves back on and left 4 da cummin room where ebony wuz (I wuz under da invisibliy cloke.)

"Hey Enoby," Vampire sed sexilly.

"Hai Onyx, dija change ur mind?" she asked goffilly.

"Yes?" he ecslaimed. "But we cant do this here. We haff to go sumwhere else."

"OH! How abot the room of requiem?" she suggestled emoly.

"Good idea, letz go!" Da 2 of them left and I followd under da cloak. I followed them in2 the room of requirment, and ther wuz a big bed inside. It had black sheetz wif a picture of marlin munzon on them, and red 666s evrywhere. Slowle, they stated frenching and taking of each odders clotes and they began 2 do it. It wuz so hot that I began 2 touch mahself.

"OOH ONIX!" Enoby shooted as Vampire made her orgism, "Ill do anything u want!"

"Ok, wutz ur powersurce?" he demanded hornily.

"Well-" Suddenly... Lona Lovegood came in and scremed!

"ONYX GERARD U FUKING POSER!" she shooted arngily, "HOW CULD U CHEAT ON ME!" she wuz wearing a wit lolita dress wif fake blud splatted on it, and red fishnets under it (she wuz barfoot agan.) her hare wuz in pigtails, and she wuz wearing wite foundation wif black ilinar, mksara, eyeshadow, and lupstick.

"I didnt!" I yielded as I threw off da cloke.

"Onix!" Ebony yielded? If ur there, then who is dis?" Suddenly, Vampire turnd back in2 himself. "Vampire! WTF!"

"Im sory!" he yielded, "I just luv u so fucking much that I-"

"I h8 u!" she shouted crudely, "and u triked me!" she accusd at me.

"Im sory, but-" suddenly I saw looney running away in tearz. I ran after her. "Lunar, it wusnt me, it wuz vrampore! I wuz tryn 2 help him get wif Egony." I finaly caught her, and she cried moar.

"Im sorry onyx, itz just I thot u were cheeting on me wif Ebony," she whaled suicidally.

"I wuld never cheat on u! I promise!" I assured her. "I fuking love u Luna Luvgood!"

"Ok," she sobed but then she smiled goffikly. We went in2 da empty classroom near us and began 2 screw. But as we did it, we herd a noise. Sumbody else was in da room wif us. It wuz... LOOPIN! And he wuz masticating 2 us doing it1!

"Oh my satin, wtf r u doing lumpkin!" I yellowed madly.

"Haha, u stupid goffs!" he cackled. Suddenly, he showed us his camera "Now if u ever act up again, ill show this video 2 Dumblydore, and ull be expelled!"

"NO!" Lunar shuted, "u fuking prep!" We both pulled out r gunz and began 2 shoot at him but he pulled out his and began 2 shot back! Suddenly...

"Wut the hell is going on her!" sumbody rored authoritathively. It wuz... DUMBLYDORK!

"These studnts were having sex in mah clasroom!" Lupin shooted. "Then they tried 2 kill me!"

"But he wuz masti-"

"I dunt care!" Albert Dumbleduck yelled preppily. "Im so fuking sick of u goffs running amok in mah skool! U 2 will be severly punished!1"


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Fangz 2 Ferretz 4 da revouws. But I want moar!1 If u read, revue!1 But in all seriousness (or as much as I can put into this story), it will be getting more outrageous.**

**Chapter 12**

Me and Lunar wer sitting dinner. I wuz waring a Knightmare b4 Cristmus shirt wif baggy blak pants and congress shoes wif wite makup and black detail on mah eyes and lips. Looney wore similar maekup and a blak goffik dress wif blood red fishnets and blak combat bootz.

We were eating dinner wif her frend Succubus. She used 2 b called Cho Chang and she wuz aslo in ravenclause and wuz a 7 year. Wen she was a young gurl, her mother married a rapost who rapped and killed her. Choi then becam depressed and convertd 2 stanism. We call her Sucubus now. Like Luna tho, she wuznt aloud 2 join Slythering becus Profesor Flitdick wouldnt let her. She wuz asian, wif blue streeks in her hair, and goffik blak and wit makup. She wore a blak spagetti strap top wif Satan ritten in red on da front. She wore a short miniskurt wif blak fishnets and combut boots. She wuz extremely hawt. She wuz also in detention 2night because she stole dumbledors headache medication.

"OMG, I cunt beleeve u and Onix haf 2 have anodder nite of detention wif Dumblefuk," Sucubus sed depressedly.

"Yea, well itz r last nite," I told her sadly. We had been going 2 detenton evry day 4 an entire month.

"Yeah, after 2night, we can do stuff agan," Luna sed angstilly.

"Alrite u goffs," Dumbledoor sed as he came, "ur detention is out side 2nite, so follow me. U 3 follow me!" He made us come wif him. He wuz wearing a long robe that sed Avril Laveign on the back. We put r middle fingers up at him wen he wasnt looking.

"Were r we going?" I asked goffikly.

"Youll see," Dumblydor ansered wif an evil lok in his eyes. Then we were there... IT WUZ AN AVRIL LAVEIGN CONSHIT!

"WTFH!" Luna scremed.

"I h8 Avrol Laveng!" Sucubus added emoly.

"U cant do this!" I yielded suicidally.

"O cant I?" he laughed meanly. He made us put on avril lavene shits and we were forced in2 the front row. We tryd 2 put r middle fingerz up at Avril, but Dumbldum used imperius on us so we couldnt move. We were forced 2 wach as the bitch sang. Suddenly, she cockled preppily and sed

"I kneweth thou would be here!" in a familiar preppy voice. Suddenly, she changed into a pale man wif no nose and white skin. He had no nose, and he was waring the cloves that he wore wen he was avril. It wuz... VOLDEMORT AND THE DEAF DEALERS!

"You stoopid man!" Dumblederp yeiled, "u ruined the conshirt!"

"Crucio!" Darth Valer shooted, and his spell hit Dumbledort in the chest. The he gaze back me. "Onyx! Join thee in thine quest 2 rule da world, or thou shalt pay!"

"Never!" I roared.

"Vary well, then I shalt take thy beloved Looney!" he scremed. Then he garbed Luna and went away in a puf of smoke.

"NOOOOOO!" I cried tearz of blood. Succubus comforted me goffikly as I cried. "Dumbledroe. We haf 2 get Lunar b4 Voldemart killes her!"

Dumblerdore lagged meanly. "No, I hated that stoopid goof. She deserves this affter all the truble she caused."

"FINE!" I yielded, "then ill save her then!"

"Ok, but ull die 4 sure!" he laffed as he went away.

"Im going wif u!" Succubus demanded goffikly.

"No! Itz 2 dangeros!"

"PLZ!" she seggested sexially.

"Fine," I agreed hornily. I used my varmpire mind powers 2 find out were Voldemort was. "Letz go 2 my car!"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

We drov mah delorian 2 Mt. Moradoor where Voldymorts lair wuz. Ones we got there, we split up 2 find Enoby. The halls ov Voldemorts layer were covered in posters of Justin Beaver, Ke$a, and Lady Perry.

"Ill go this way," I told sucubuss, and I went 2 da left. Suddenly... I wuz in a room wif pink walls and stuff. "Looney! Were r u?" I yellowed.

"She shall be ded soon!" an evil voiced shooted. I turnned around and saw a women wif long blonde hair and a long pink robe dat sed Brittany Speers on it. Under da robe, she wore and abercrumby and bitch (geddit, cuz shez a bitch?) tshirt and really short jeen shorts and highheels. She wuz a fuking prep!

"Who r u!" I demanded goffikly.

"I AM BELLATRICKS THE STRANGE!" she roored evily. "Da Bark Lord will be plzed wen I catch u!" Then she did a spell and I wuz tied up in ropes and chains.

"U fuking prep!" I shooted madly. "I bet u dont know who GC is!"  
>"Silence u welp!" she sneered. "U now blong 2 me!" she began 2 remove her robe.<p>

"Wut r u doing!" I asked confusedly.

"Voldemorx can wait," she giggled. "Im gonna fuck u."

"Wut! Eww! NO Helena, tats gross! Ur a prep!"

"Shuddup and kiss me Onix!" she orered. "I luved u sins the moment I saw u!" I got relly scrayed, so I wuz about 2 kiss her wen suddenly... I bit her neck and started 2 suk the blood.

"NOOOOOO!" she scremmed and she got away, but it wuz 2 late bcuz she wuz a vampire now!

"HAHAHAHAHAA! Tak dat u prep!" I sed victoriusly. Suddenly, Bellatrix began 2 change. Her hare turned dark and so did her makup. Her cloves also turned goffik. Suddenly, she loked like a goff!

"Wut da hell?" I shooted.

"OMFG, fangz Onix!" Bellatriks bluted emoly, "u saved me! Now I can b a vampire 2!"

"Cool," I muttoned but then I saw how hawt she wuz. She loked just like Radeo from da suicide gurls."Wow, ur so fuking hot noa!" I gosped sexily. We began to french passively as r cold vampier bodys got close. Then we began 2 hav sex.

"OH OYNIX! OH! OH! OH!" she scrammed as she had an orgasim. Sudenly... Succubus came!

"OMFG!" she yielded at me "ur cheting on Lunar!"

"Wut! NO!" I tryd 2 explain as we put r cloves back on. But suddenly... VOLDEMORT APEARED!

"Belladicks!" he roared statistically, "thou art a trator! I shall kilt thee now!"

"U poser!" she yelled back him.

"Avada Kadava!" he sed preppily as he shot a spell at her.

"NOOO!" she exclamed as she fell down. Voldemint had killed her!

"WTH, Im gonna kill u!" I blurted angstily, but Voldemont went away in a puff of smoke. Then I saw Bellitrix on da ground. I hugegd her lifeless body. "NO! Dont leeve me!" I sed as I cried tearz of blood, but it wuz 2 late!

"dont worry Oinks," Suckubus sed as she hugged me "itll be ok. Shez wif satan now."

"Shuddup!" I yelled sucidaly. I wanted 2 find a steak so I cold kill myself. But then I remembeard that we had 2 shave Luna! "Cumon! We have 2 save Loona!"

We ran down da halls until we found Luna tarped in a rum wif Justin Beeber muzic playing. She wuz slitting her wrists and cring.

"Well save u!" I sed sadly as I picked her up and we ran out of da layer. But suddenly, Voldemort wuz chasing us!1

"ONIX!" Moldewart rored as he flew in front of me on his bromstick, "u shall not leave alive1"

"Crookshanks!" I yellowed, and Voldimot fell over and screamed in pain. Me, Sucubus, and Lunar got 2 the car and we drove back 2 the skull.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

We got bak at the skull at late at nite. We sed goodbye 2 Suckybus and we went 2 da slitherig comen room were me and Looney screwed summore. Da next mourning (geddit, cuz Im deprezzed?) we gut up 4 skull. I put on a Maryland Manson tshit wif blak levet pants, blak congress shoes, and white fondation wif black eyliner and libstock. Lunar put on a blood red dress wif a blak 666 on her boobs. She wore black fishnets and white foundation wif black eyelinar, lipstock, and maksarah. She wuz barefoot again.

We had 2 go 2 trasformaton class wif Profesor McGoogle. But I wuznt able 2 work. I needed a new plan 2 find out Enobys secrot. But how.

"Misster Gerald!" McGoggle roared oldly, "transfoam that kat in2 a dog noa!" I loked the dog infrunt of me an I shit a spell at it sexily. It turned in2 a vampier bat that ataked the teacher. "You dumbfonded fool!" Mcgoonagle scremed. All da goffs cheered sinz class would end early now.

Me and Looney went 2 da hall were all da goffs were having lunch. "Hey Eboby!" I sed angstilly. She wuz waring a black lether corset, blak leter miniskirt, red fishnets, and block metal combat bootz.

"Oh. Hai," she grumbled evily. She hadnt toked wif me sinz I triked her in2 sleeping wif Vampire.

"Do u want 2 go 2 that Marlin Manzon conshirt tonite?" I axed sadly.

"No u fuker. Leave me alone!" she wailed b4 ruining away goffikly.

"4get about her," Looney told me darkly. "I have 2 go 2 another class. Ill c u l8r. She kissed my cheek and went away. I woked over 2 anodder tabel were Draco, Diobolo, Crow and Zombie were sitting.

"Hey Draco," I sed seductively.

"Wut da hel do u want!" he yielded. He loked like he had been crying. He wuz wearing a black leather jackson wif blak lether pants, black concress shoes, and white makup wif black ilinar. He looked just like Girard weigh!1

"Look, I want 2 help u get bak 2gether wif Ebony," I whishpered so that nobody would here.

"U wuld do that for me?" he axed emoly.

"Sure!" I rored. "I just need u 2 ask her y she is so powreful."

"Ok," he giggled sexily, "but only if u sleep wif me."

"WTFH!" I yellowed, "no wai!"

"Den I wont help u!" he spat. He and the wesleys went away depressedly. I began 2 cry hotly. My plan had falled again. But suddenly... Succubus came!

"Oh, hai suckybus," I whimpered upsettedly.

"We so need 2 talk!" she stated goffikly. "I fuking saw you having sex wif Bellatricks the Strange. Luna is mah frend, so Im gonna tell her dat u cheeted on her!"

"WTFG!" I shooted deoressively, "u cant do that! Plz!"

"Well, ther is one thing u can do!1" she sed sexilly.

"Wuts that?"  
>"Sleep wif me right now!" she demanded hornily.<p>

"No plz!" I began 2 cry again. Sucubus wuz really hawt but I didnt want 2 cheat on Looney.

"Bi guyz r so hawt wen dey cry," she sed sexily. She garbed mah hand and drugged me to the Ravenclaws comman room and in2 her room. "Now letz do it, or I'll tell Lunar!" she odurved.

I loked in2 her goffik blak eyes and noticed how hot she wuz. She luked like a goffik Gale Kim. I began 2 kiss her sexily and we stripped r cloves off as we frenched passively. I took off her bra and pantys and she took off my boxers. They were blak wif red 666s on them. Then I put my thingie in her and we had sex.

"OH ONYX!" she scremed. After we finished, we cudled and watched Frankyfish. But then we herd a noise in da other room. We loked out the door 2 see... Luney and Draco doing it!1

"OH MY SATAN!1" I yeileded suicidally. "Lunar! How culd u cheat on me, u fuking poser! I fought u loved me!1"

"No, Onix!1 Itz not wut u think!" she cried as she covred hershelf.

"NO!1" I fujking h8 u! Y Draco! Y did u do this!" I moaned.

"Bcuz u woldnt sleep wif me, so I slept wif her," he repplid meanly. I got so sad and I ran back 2 the slythering comen room. Luna foloughed me, even tho she wuz naked.

"Onyx, stup!" she cried hotly.

"No! Im breking up wif u!" Then I took the steak on my desk and angrily stabbed it in2 my heart. Then evrything went black...


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I wok up in a strang room wif nothing on da walls. It wuz so bland and ungoffik. Wuz this hell? Den I relized... I wuz in da future!

"You killed yourself... really?" It was Othello. "The delorean is still in the past! How the hell do you expect to go back?"  
>"Cant I use a timtoner?" I axed.<p>

"NO!" Othello shouted angrily. "Nobody will expect a car to travel time! The last thing I need is other people creating more time ripples by using a time toner."  
>"Im so sory Oflelo," I sed sadly, "but I Lunar cheated on me!1"<p>

"Really! That's why you killed yourself!" he roared. "There are bigger things going on here! We're talking about the future of man kind, wizards and muggles alike!"  
>"O mi Satan, im so sorry!" I sed as I cried tearz of blood.<p>

"Please stop doing that," Othello groaned, "you're staining the carpet."

"o sury," I sed emoly.

"Look, I refuse to lose risk anybody else's sanity by sending them to that corrupted time, so I'm going to give you another chance."  
>"But how?" I axed angstilly.<p>

"We have another time machine. Follow me," he ordered strenly.

I followed him sexilly to anodder room wif tran traks. There wuz a large tran wif flashing lites!

"I came here as soon as I heard!" an man with crazy white hair said as he approached Othello.

"Doc Brown, are you sure that this train will take him back to the point where he died?" Othello asked.

"Of course! I built this myself you know!" Then Doc Brown turned. "My boy, please try to save Marty. He is lost in that corrupted time, and I know if I go there, I may not be able to return. Please save him! I beg of you!"  
>"Okai!" I replied upsettedly. Dis old man loked lik a prep, but I had kno choice. I climed in2 da train and stated it up.<p>

"This is your last chance! Don't screw this up!" Othello shouted over the train's roar.

"Ill be fine!" I replid goffikly. I drov the tran relly fast and I went bak in tim!

The train flu out of da sky and in2 Hogwartz. It crashed in2 da hufflypuff dorm and exploded! I flu out sexilly and crashed in2 da wall, but I didnt dye becuz I wuz a vampire. I snuked out so I wuldnt get cot. I went bak 2 the slythering commen room.

"OMFG ur alive!" Enoby shooted happily.

"I fought u were ded!" Willow yelloed.

"Yeah, u stabbed urself wif a steak!" Crowe and Zumbie exclamed evily.

"I gut better!" I sed in a cool voice so that they woundt kno that I went in2 da future,

Suddenly, Vamprier and Luna came.

"O MY FUKING SATIN!" Vampire shooted, "A tran flu into da hufflepuff dorm and exploded!"  
>"Yeh! Haff of dem r ded!" Looney sed demonicly. All da goffs cheered, but I wuz silent. I staired meanly Looney. She gosped. "ONYX! Ur alive!" She went 2 hug me but I pushed her away.<p>

"U FUKING BICH!1" I rored depressedly. "U cheted on me wif Dragon! Im so done wif u!"  
>"No, plz!" Luna cried as she got on her nees and begged. "I fuking luv u! Plz dont leave me!"<p>

"No u poser prep!1" I yeilded. "Go fuking die!" I ran 2 my room 2 cut mahself and lizzen 2 GC so I culd forget abot Luna and how she sleeped wif Draco. I put on a large MCR t shirt wich I used as pajamas wen I sleep. But I needed a new plan 2 find out wut Enobys power sorce wuz and how 2 destroy it. Vampira had falled, Draco wouldnt help, and Enoby wuldnt tell me so id need a new plan. I fought about it summore. I wuld need 2 find anodder frend of Ebony 2 help me destoy her. Then I relised who I shuld ask... Willow!1


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

I went 2 da comman room but nobody wuz there exept for Crow and Zombie, who were making out (bcuz theyre bi 3) But suddenly, Willo came! Her raven blak hare wif pink tips went down to her butt and she was waring a GC tshirt, skinny blak jeans wif rips, and black congres shoes. She wuz relly skinny, but she had big bobs and stuff.

"Hai Willow!" I greeted sadly.

"Konichiwas Onyx!" she replied. "Wut r u doing rite now?"

"Im going 2 hogsmede 2 go shopping for cloves. Do u want to cum wif me?" I axed sadly.

"Oh my Satan! Sure!" she shooted. We went out 2 da deloruan and went 2 hoggysmeade 2 shop. We went 2 hot topic were Tom Rid was working agan.

"Hi Tom," I sed angstilly. "Do u have any fing new?"

"Yeah!" he sed happily. "Infact, I got this outfit just 4 u sinz ur my best costomer." He hornily handed me a black lether jackson from behind the cunter. It had a giant skull and crossbons on the back wif a red rose in da teeth.

"Wow, fangz Tom!" I gosped as I put on the jaket. It fit just right and everything.

After we shoped around we went 2 the creaky culdron 2 get sum beer. We laffed as we drunk the beer all da stoopid prepz bak in hogwarts.

"R u feeling better about Looney?" Willow axed concernedly.

"Not relly," I sighed depressedly. Even thouh she cheeeted on me, I still luved her and stuff. "But forget about her!1" I shooted, "letz talk about Enoby."

"Ebony?" Willow axed suggestedly. "Do u like her?"

"Ew, no!" I shooted back. "But I want 2 kno if u lik her."

"Well I do but shez hanging out wif bloddy mary more than me now," she cried sadly. "I got so mad, I took her sweter?"

"haha, thats funny!" I yieled

"But y do u want 2 know?" she asked curiosly.

"Bcuz Ebony is so perfect and stuff, and I want 2 find out where she getz this power from so I can be prefect too!" I esplained.

"Oh, ok." she sed.

"I fought that maybe u knew why she wuz so strong sinz u 2 r frends and stuff."

"No dont," she sed crying. "But ill help u cuz I want 2 be perfect two."

"Ok," I wipsered as I looked in2 her sad eyes. She looked so sexeh wif her black hair and pale face. I kissed her passively and she gapsed.

"Onix, u like me and not Enoby?" she aksed in shock.

"4get about Ebnoby," I sed, and we began 2 kiss again, but suddenly sumbody came into the bar. It was a goffik poser wif a long bread and a huge body. It wuz... HAGAR!

"There u 2 r!" Hargrid roared. "Ebony wants u 2 to come bak to the Castel!"

"Forget her, were busy!" I sed crudely. Hagrad was such a poser prep.

"But I luv her, and if I dont listen, shell kick me out of her band!" he sed as he started to cry like a little girl. "Plz cum back!"

"Fuk u!" I shooted, and I cast crucio on him. He screamed as he flopped around like a fish. Me and Willow laffed at him as we frenched. We left the bar and went bak 2 the deloreum so we could go back 2 the skull, and Hargrid wuz chasing us like a mad man. Ones we got back 2 the skull, I saw sumbbody on the castle steps. It wuz a girl wif blond hair in pigtales and a goffik black loli dress. It wuz... Luna!1

"Onix, plz take me back!" she pleaded sadly.

"I dont fink so," I scoweld coldly.

"Plz! I luv u so fuking much!"

"Go awai, u poser!" Willow sed angirly, and we went in2 the castle. We had 2 find Ebony.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

We fond Enoby in the cummon room. She wuz waring a black lether corset, black miniskirt, red fishnetz, black silletos, and white and blak makeup. She loked just like Ami Lee!

"Hey Ebony," I sed goffikly.

"Oh hai Onix. Hai Willow," she replid sadly, "where were u 2?"

"We wer shoping at Hawt Topic," Willow answered. Then Enooby got mad.

"OMG WTF!" she shooted meanly. "Y didnt u tell me!"

"We didnt plan it or anything-"

"No, fuk u Willow!1" she yielded. "I so fuking hate u! B'loddy Mary is so much cooler than u!"

Willow began 2 cry sexy emo tearz. "Ebony, im so sorry. Ur my best frend! I just want 2 be perfect like u, and I cant unless u tell me how! Plz!"

"Well u cant!" Enoby yellowed. "Get da fuk away from me!" then Enoby went away angirly.

"OMFG, Ebony hatez me!" Willow whaled. "Shez rite though. Ill never be as pretty or as prefect as her!"

"Shut up, u look so hawt!" I resured sexily. I kissed her hotly and then we sat down on the sofar so we could wach the Hunting in Coneticet. Crow and Zombie joined us and we all lafed as those ghosts came in the house. Suddenly, I notised how hot Crow and Zumbie were. They bof had sholder length bloodred hare, blak lether vests that had no sleeves, so we could see ther huge mussels, black leaher pants, and black congresh shoes. In the midle of the movie, me and Willow started 2 makeout, but as we were doing that, Crow started touching my boys thingie. Crow and Zombie then started makingout wif me and Willow. We started taking of each odders cloves, and then we had an orgy!1 I did it wif Willow and then Zombie did as I did it wif Crow, and then Crow did it wif Willow while I did it wif Zombie. But as we were doing it I saw something in the nearby door. It wuz... Snaketail!1 He wuz videotaping us and mastibating!

"WTF!" I scremed as I got off of Zombie. "U fuking perv!" (Snaketail is 16 in dis, so hez nut a pedo, ok!1)

"Hehehehehehehehehehehe!" he giggled preppily. "I hav u on camra! Now if u dont join the Bark Lord, ill relese the tape 2 the entire world!1"

"U basterd!" Willow shooted. She pulled out her wand and shooted a spell at him but Snacktail doded it. Then he turned in2 Scabbers and ran away through a hole.

"We haf 2 tell sombody!" I roared. I put on my cloves and ran into da hallway wear Dumblydore wuz tocking wif Loopin. "Dumblydor! Snacktale is in the castel! Voldemint must hav helped him in!" But Doubledore and Loopin laffed crudely.

"Hahaha! U r such a liar!" Dombledore cockled.

"No, im serious!" I yeilded.

"Shutup u homo fag!" Lumpkin laffed stupidly. "Dumblydore will never beleve u!" I got mad bcuz I knew that Lumpin waz working wif Volxemort, but nobody would beleve me! Lumpkin and Dombledore contnud 2 laff be4 they waved there wands and disapered. I started 2 cry. Now Peter Petidrew would give the Dark Lord the video and he would show it if I didnt join him!

"U fucking bastard!" sumbody shooted. It wuz Enoby. She looked so hawt wen she wuz mad, but I felt sad that it wuz at me.

"Wut did I do!" I axed depressedly.

"U slept wif Willo!" she rored. "U sleep wif her and not me! Wut dose she hav that I dont!"

"She... Look Enoby I just dont lik u like that, ok!" I yelled upsetedly. "But lotz of people do like Vampire and Draco, so y do I madder!"

"Bcuz ur so much lik me!" she shooted back, "but ur a fuking jerk Onyx Gerard! I hope the dark lord getz u!" Then she went awai in a storm. I stated 2 cry tearz of blood again as I woked in2 the dungeons back 2 the dorm and 2 my room. Evry thing hurt so much. I wuz scrayed of Voldamort, Ebony hated me so I coldnt find her secret, Snaketail had a video of me doing it wif Willow, Crow, and Zombi, and Lunar betraded me! I cried and cut my wrists b4 going bak 2 sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

I wok up the nex day in my coffin 2 da sound of the fone ringing. It wuz Offello!

"Onyx, have you made any progress?" Othello asked civilly.

"No!" I cryed sadly. "I tryd 2 get Willow 2 help me, but that didnt work!1 Noa Enoby hates me agan and Voldemot has da video of me doing it wif Willow, Crow, and Zombe!"

"You were doing wha- Oh lord, you need to stop fooling around and focus! You have to destroy the time source before the end of that school year, or this mission will fail!"

"WTF Y!" I yelld.

"Because it was at the end of the year when Ebony defeated Voldemort, and thus, became invincible. You could go back in time again, but then you would run into your past self and create a time ripple. Again, the physics of the situation are beyond your comprehension, so I'll spare you the details. Just hurry up and locate Ebony's power source and destroy it. When you do that, you can return home, and everything will return to normal."

"Okai, ill do it!" I sed. I hung up the phone and put on a blac and white stiped shirt wif the black jackson that Tom Riddler gave me. I put on black lever pants wif crongress shoez that sed GC on them. Then I aplied my makup and went in2 da commen room and I gopsed... Draco and Ebony were making out!

"WTF, I fought u guyz broke up!" I sed in shok.

"Yeah, well we got bak 2gether 2 make u jelos!" Enoby sed wif a sneer. "Is it working?"

"Not relly," I sed, thogh that wuz a lie. I woked past them and in2 the hallway so I culd go 2 the library. I needed to fink abot how I wold find Enobys secret. But wen I sat down in the libary 2 fink, sumbody taped my sholder. It wuz... Looney Lovegod!

"Onix, I lov u! I even got this tatoo for u on my bak!" She turned arond and showed me a black goffik hart that said 'Onyx Gerard' on it in bloddy black writing. "Plz Come back! I just wanna fuking be wif u again!"

"No, u fucking cheted on me wif Drago!" I roared angliry.

"But u dont understand-" she began but I shok my head.

"Leve me alone!1"

"But I-"

"He sed leve him alon!" sumbody shooted. I turned around to see that it wuz... Britney! She wuz wearing a pink tanktup that sed "love" on da boobs, and a short miniskurt wif pink hiheels. She loked just like Lindsy Lohan. I hated Brittany becuz she wuz a fuking prep!1

Lunar ran away crying and Britney sat nex 2 me.

"Fangz..." I gurnted, though I didnt men it.

"Ur welcum Onix!" she replied preppily. "Ur 2 good 4 her anyway. Shez a freak, and ur hawt, even though u hang out wif that Ebony. Shez a fuking slut!"

I wuz abot 2 wok away frum Britany, becuz she waz a prep, but I fought about it 4 a moment. Britney hated Ebony so maybe she wuld help me defeet her if I axed. But she wuz also a fuking prep, so I didnt know if I shold. But if I didnt, Enoby might win!

"Hai Britney," I sed goffikly, "will u help me defeat Eboby?"

"OMG, yes!" she scremmed in a high bitched voice. (geddit, cuz shez a bitch?) "I knew u wrent sum stoopid goff!"

"SILENZ!" sumbody yeilded. It wuz Madame Pinch, the libarian. "NO SHOOTING IN MY LIBARY!"

"Well ok then," I sihed sadly becuz I hated Britney.

"But bfour I can help u, I have a favor 2 ask," she sed peppily.

"Wut is it?" I axed.

She smiled really big like and held out two tikets. "Will u go 2 see Justin Beiber wif me!"

I almost killed myshelf rite there.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The nex day, I went 2 da grate hall 2 wait for Britney. I wuz waring my black lever jackson again wif blak jeans, and black shoes wif black makup on mah face wif white foundaton. Then Britney came.

"Hai Onyx!" she sed preppily. She wuz waring a tiny white tanktop wif Justine Bieberz face on it, really short jean shotz, pink hiheels, and lotz of makup. She wood have looked atractiv if she wuznt such a prep.

"Hi," I answed emoly. I relly didnt want to see Justin Beeber but I wood have 2 if I wanted 2 beat Enoby. "Letz get this over wif."

We got in2 the delorian and drove 2 the place were Justan wold be singing at. Once we arrived at the conshit (geddit, cause hez shit?), Briitney drugged me 2 the front row so we culd watch Justene up close. He loked like a pentagram (geddit?) between Aron Cater and MilY Sirus. He started to sing Baby, and I amost puked. He wuz such a fuking prep!

"Can u hold my spot?" Brittney axed in a non-goffik voice. "I haf 2 use the batroom."

"Ok," I replied suicidally. Then Britney went away. Now I culdnt take anymore of Justin Beever so I pointed my wand at him. "CRUZIO!"

Justen let out a highbitched screem lik a little girl, and he fell ober in his own pool of blood. I laffed evily as da crowd ran awai screming and Justan wuz carred away on a strecher. After everbody wuz gone, Britney came.

"WTF, were did everybudy go?" she wined sadly.

"Da show is over," I replid fangfullly. "He just left."

"Oh fuk it, I wuz in the bathrom 2 long!" she curssed. "Letz go back to Hogswart noa!" We gut bak in2 my Deelarion and drove back 2 the skull. We didnt get out wen we got there tho.

"Okay Brittey, we need a plan," I sed sadly. "How r we gonna find out Enobys powersorce?"

"4get abot that!" Brittane sed suddenly. "Ur so fuking hawt Onix, even thogh u look lik a goff!" Suddenly... she tried 2 kiss me!

"WTFH r u doing!1?" I yieled as I pushed her away.

"Cum on, letz do it!" she pleded. "I want u 2 fuk me!"

"No fuking way!" I sed goffikly.

"Y not?" she axed.

"Bcuz ur a prep!" I belloed. "I fought u new that dis wuz a businezz relatonship btween us! I dont like u, I just wanted 2 help u beat Ebony. Thatz all!"

Da luveydovey look in her eyes went away. She loked upset. "Fine then," she muttoned menly, "letz go inside and work then." We gut out of da car and went inside so we culd go 2 my rom 2 plan. But wen we got 2 the commun room we saw Willow.

"WTF OINKS! U left me 4 Britnay!" she yellowed.

"No no!" I tried 2 explan sexily. "Were just working together bcuz were partners in Deviation class!"

"Ok, but she cant stay here," Wullow bluted. "If Ebony sees her here, shell get relly mad! And stuff."

"FINE! Ill bring her 2 my room!1" We went away 2 my room and locked the door. "Okay Britneigh, how r we gonna find Enobys powersorce," I axed. But when I turned around, I saw that Brittney took her top off.

"OMG," I shooted, "I told u no!"

"Onix, Im gonna give u one more chance to say yes!" she told me crudely. Her top wuz on the floor.

"No! Ur a prep!" I sed afimatively.

"Fine then!" she yeled bak. Then she ponted her wand at her shirt and shot a spell. The Justin Beaver shirt turned into a pale preppy man wif no nose and red eyes. It wuz... VOLXEMORT!

"What the fuck!" I shooted scarredly.

Voldemory cokled seductively. "Wen Bittney wuz in the batroom, I made her join me," he sed evily. "Now Onox Gerald, thou shalt join me in defeating Enoby Way, or I shalt kill u rite now!1"

"Never!" I shooted back.

"Very well!"Then Voldimert pulled out a gun and pointed it me. "Then thou shalt die!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Voldemort shooted a spell at me. I doged it and depressedly ecapd out of my room, but he followed me on his bromstick.

"Thou cant ecsape from thine power! Abada Kedrava!" He yellowed meanly.

I doded it agan and ran 2 the comman room were Enoby, Willow, Draco, Vampira, B'Loody Mary, Dracola, Diobolo, Darkness, Crow and Zombie were.

"OMG ONIX! Y R U RUNING!" Vampire axed sadly.

"Vlodemort is cuming!" I scremed angstilly. "We haf 2 hide!"

"No, were gona kick his ass!" Body Mary cheered and evry1 joined in. But suddenly Britny came. She wuz still topeless.

"Quit ruing so Voldymort can kill u!" she skreched preppily.

"OH MY FUKING SATAN! WUT DA HELL ONYX!" Ebony roored angirly, "U slept wif Britney and not me u prep!"

"No, I didnt sllep wif her!" I shoted back.

"Then y is she topless!" Willo axed supsiciously. But I coldnt answer bcuz Voldimirt flu in on his broomstik and shot moar spellz at us.

"If all of thou sideth with Onyx, u art traiters, and u all shalt die!" he belowed in a loud screem.

"Never!" we all shooted goffikly. Then we all puled out r gunz and started shooting at Voldemart and Brittny. But Voldemorph waved his wond and he and Britnay went away.

"We haf 2 find him!" Darkness sed upsetedly.

"Rite," me and Enoby agred. We all ran in2 da hall but there wuz nobody there. But suddenl, 2 preppy men appered from a room. There clooves were disheevled, and they smelld lik pornication! It wuz... SNAP AND LUMPKIN!

"U fuking prepz!" Enoby growled.

"Oh no, they no we did it!" Loopy gosped.

"Ill tak care of this!" Snake muttoned grossly. He waved his wand and we were channed 2 da wall wif ropes!

"U posers!" I shuted madly.

"Hahahaha!" Snape laffed crudly. "Voldemort will be plzed that I haf captured u all. He will then mak me his apentice!"

"OH NO!" Dracola whined.

"We hav 2 do sumething!" Crow and Zombie told me. Then I gut an idea.

"I bet u perpz dont know who MCR is!" I yeilded.

"Yeah!" Evry1 joined in goffikly.

"Shut up u deluded dumasses!" Snap shooted back, but while he wuz distracted I used my vampire powers 2 ecsape frum the ropes.

"Crucio!" I sed evaly. I hit Snape wif the spell and he fell over and scremed like a prep. All da ropes fell off my frends and they all chased after Lupin who ran away lik a pussy. I wuz all alone in da hallway. But wear wuz Voldenort? I fought 4 a moment and then I new... he wuz in da Griffandoor tower!

I ran to da tower as fast as I culd but I wuz stopped by da portat of the fat bitch.

"PASSWERD!" She bluted preppily. I fought summore. Wut wold b a the griffingdor pasword?

"Uh... Ladi Gaga is da gretest?" I gessed.

"Corect!" she sed, and the picture opened, but I wuznt done.

"INCENDO!" I sed and the pink woman cot on fire. As she screemed, I ran in2 the grinnfingdor comman room and I gapsed at wut I saw... Voldemort and Britney were doing it!1

"OMG, wut the fuk!" I sceamed. Voldamort pulled his pale white thingie out of Britneys u know wut and scowled meanly.

"How dare thou interupt my sex!" Voldymort roored. "Now thou shalt die!"

Scarred, I ran out suicidaly as Voldebort chased me naked. I tried 2 shoot a spell, but I droped my wand. Then I tried 2 shoot Volexmort wif my gun.

"Accio gun!" He cockled. The gun flu out of my hands and into his. "Now thou shalt die!" he bellowed. He shot a bullet at me!

"NOOOOOO!" I shooted but suddenly, sumbody leapt infront of me sexily and the bullet hit her instead. Wen she fell 2 the grond, I saw that it wuz... Looney Lovegood!1

"NO, LUNAR!" I shoted as I fell 2 my nees. Voldimort laffed crudely.

"!1 Thou haf lost evrything! U shal join me in good time!" Then he went away in a puff of smoek.

I held Luna in my armz as I crid tearz of blood. "Luna... u saved me..." I cryed sadly.

"I luv u..." she sed weekly. "I just want u 2 love me 2."

"I do. Im sory!" I sed seductivly. I kissed her passively, but she stated 2 fade. "No! Dont die Looney!" I screamed angstily. But it would be 2 late. I only had one thing I cold do. I reached down 2 her neck and bit her, suking a small amont of her blood. She started 2 breath again becuz... she wuz now a vampire 2! But then I felt week and I pased out.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

I wok up in da Norses offace in da next day. I had heeled wif my vampire powerz, but I still felt sore. I loked over at the odder bed and saw Lunar sleeping in it. She looked so beautiful, but now her skin wuz pale white lik mine bcuz she wuz a Vampoire now. I sat up and woked over 2 her bed and looked at her as she sleeped. Wen she opened her now red eys, she smiled at me goffikly.

"Im alive?" she osked confusedly.

"Yeah, I bit u b4 u died so that u would turn in2 a Vampire bcuz Vampires can only b killed by steaks," I esplained emoly.

"O okai!" she excalned happily. She reached up 2 kiss me but I pulled away.

"OMG,Wutz wrong?" she ased.

"Looney, I luv u, but I dont kno if I can b wif u. U cheated on me wif Drago," I sed depressedly.

"No, u dont understand!" Luna sated, "but I didnt relly have sex wif Draco! He used an imperius curse on me so I had 2 do wut he sed."

"Realy?" I aksed.

"I would never cheet on u Onyx," sed sexily.

"OK" I replid. We kissed and I joined her in the bed. We wer about 2 screw but suddenly Ebony, Draco, Vampire, and Willow came.

"OMG u 2 r aliev!" Ebony sed sexily.

"I herd u fought of Volxemort!" Vampire giggle.

"Yeah, wut happened?" I aked curously.

"U fought wif Voldemart, but he got away," Willow explaned jelosly. She wuz looking on enviusly at me and Looney. She must hav been upset that we were dating agan. At the same time, I lookd at Draco meanly since I new that he used imperius on Luna.

"Wut happened 2 Snap and Loopy?" I axed.

"We told Dumblydore that they were doing it in the classroom and dat they attacked us bcuz they were working wif Voldempt, but he laffed at us and called us stupid," Draco sighed hotly.

"WUT!" I rored. I got out of my bed and went in2 the hall were Dumblefuck wuz. He wuz lizzening 2 an Avril Lavene song on his ipod and signing along.

"Dumbledore!" I yelloed angrally, "Y didnt u send Snap and Lumpkin 2 Azerbaijan?"

"Bcuz they r responsabel adults that keep u stopid goffs in line," he lagged evily. "Now go bak 2 ur bed u foolish fouling!"

"But they ataked us!" I scremed.

"And ur a fuking liar!" Dumblydore continued 2 laf. "Give me one god reason y I shuld belive u!"

"Bcuz im telling u the truf!" I shooted.

"Bwahhaha! U lying imbasil," he cackled preppily. "I wood never believe anything that u say u goff!" Then he went away.

"I fuking hate him!" I crused madly. But then Luna garbed my hand.

"4get about him. Hez a fuking prep!" She took my hand and led me 2 the Raveenclaw tower. "Im really glad were 2gether again Onix. So I want 2 give u a suprise."

"Wut is it?" I axed. We were at her room now.

"Youll see," she winked. We went in and Succubus wuz there. She wuz waring sexy black goffk lingere. She wuz so hawt, I got really hard.

"Hai Oynx," Suckybus sed goffikly.

"Hai," I replid. Me and Luna joined her on the bed and we all began 2 kiss passively as we took off our cloves. Then I tok out my glock and did it wif Looney. After she orgamesd I did it wif Sucubus 2. Then after we did it, I layed on the bed as I watched Sucubus and Looney make out. It wuz so hot that I orgazmed. Then we all went 2 sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sory itz been so lung! I wuz in the hopsital bcuz I wuz slitting mah writs!**

**Well actually, I needed a break from this so that the bad grammar wouldn't permanently alter my typing. Updates won't be frequent, but this fic is NOT DEAD!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

I wok up btween Luna and Cho and we all did it agan. After that we got up and got redy 4 skull. I put on a black and whit stripped shit wif my black lether jackson and black jens wif rips and stuff, and black combat shoes. I also got steel blu streeks in my hair from Looney and Succubsu. They also did my makup. Luna put on a black backless goffik dress that shoed off he boobs and back wif black fishnets, and lots of black and white makup. Sucubus put on a black shirt dat sed Anarkey in bloody red witing, block miniskirt, black fishnets and black highheel.

We all went 2 da grate hall were we all ate brakfast. I ate frootloopz wif blood in them becuz im a vampire.

"We need a plan," I sad cruly.

"A plan 4 wut?" Lunar azed curosly.

"A plan 2 find Ebomy's sorce of power!" I sed.

"Oh ok," shereplied. "But how will we do dat?"

"We cold totur her!" Suckybus sujested, but I shok my head.

"Enoby is to strong 2 be totured," I sed sadly. "But wut do we do noa? Draco wont help us unless I sleep wif him Enoby wont trust Vamprior so we cant use him Willo wont werk and now and evem Britny is gone!"

"Wel y dont u just sleep wif Dragon?"Lunar axd goffikly.

"Bcuz id be cheting on u!" I rored.

"Ill let u do it 4 dis!" Luna sed wif a wink.

"No, I dont wanna sleep wif Drago!" I sed sadly.

"Y nut?" Sukybus aked.

"Becus he's my da- Because I dont lik him like that!" I cried.

"Well we need a knew plan than!" Luny sed. We were abot to branstorm be4 Profesor Flitdick came. He wuz wearing a whit robe wif a picture of Justine Timberlak (geddit? Cus he sings lik a gurl?) on it.

"Sucubuz! U have to serve a fuking detention right now 4 stealing pills frum my offace!" he shooted preppily.

"But i-"

"Now!" he screeched like a gurl. Suckybus siged and stood up.

"Good luk u 2," she sed befor being drugged away by the Ravencause head.

"Wait, I hav an idea!" Lunar exclamed. "Profesor snap has turth serum in his offace! We can stell it, give it to egogy, and then we get da truf!"

"Alright!" I yeled. We left da grate hall and went to the dungeon were the poshuns class wuz. Ones we gut there, we herd moning noizes inside. We peked in and gapssed. Loopin and Snack were doing it!1 and wen Snape took his boys thingy out of Lumpkins but, I saw a dork mark on it.

"Letz sneek by while they arent looking," I sed crudley. We gut on r handz and knees and crawd over 2 the door 2 Snapes office. Ones inside, we saw a bunch of potins and stuff all over the walls and the desk. "Letz find it!" We loked around for awile but then Loony found somfing.

"I found somfig!" Loona shooted happly. She piked up a vile that sed "Truf serum" on it.

"Gret, letz go!" I sed angstly. We were abot to leve, but suddenly, a fat guy burts thew the door. He wuz fat, and had only one leg and a meclanical eye. He wuz wearing a shirt wif a picturd of da guys from Nicholeback on it. It wuz... Mad Eyed Muddy!"

"I so fuking found u!" he rored gleefuly.

"Wut the fuk do u want u prep!" I blutted meanly.

"Voldymote sent me to kill u!" he sed in a preppy vois. "Die biches!" he pointed his staff at us and shooted a green spiel at us. But me and Lunar doged it and shot at him with our guns, but he bullits missed his head.

"Wut the hell is happening in her!" Dumblydore yielded as he ran into da room, but he was knocked out by Snape and Lupid witf frying pans. But b4 they could get us, we got away.

"We need 2 get the odders!" Loony sed emoly.

"Yess!" I cried. If madeye modly wuz here, Voldemort wuz proly here two!


End file.
